This is to all the people who still read my blog, even though the postings are few and far between you still check in every now and then... From the bottom of my heart, thank you. And now to the posting.

Being unemployed and a generally unmotivated person are not a good combination, but it gives me LOTS of time to think and reflect on the past, present and future. And I have come to a conclusion.

I am evil.

Some points to back up my hypothosis. I have no friends. (and that is not a slight against them at all) I have never let anyone get close to me, I am superficial, and am so buried under masks and fakeness I don't know where I am or who I am. I've used everyone in my life for something. I usually use them for whatever I can and then pretty much discard them. You're not with my I can't use you. So, I'm a user. I'm manipulative, not very subtle all the time but hey. I'm like a virus. I latch on until everything's used up and then I move onto the next host.

If you can't tell by now, I'm in a really shitty place right now. I thought I've been depressed but nothing matches to what I'm feeling like right now. I think it's more of I've hit a breaking point and I just can't take it anymore. You can almost class this as a classic cry for help, but the only person that can help me is myself and I don't want to help myself... cuz I'm really starting to hate the person that I've become. Now the tears come dammit. I've been trying to cry for the past half a fuckin' hour and now I start crying. And now I've stopped.

I know some of you might reply by telling me to turn back to God. I'm pretty much gonna say, no. I still respect Him, and I will honour Him and will not speak out against Him, but for some reason I don't want anything to do with Him. Add hypocrite to my list of points as well. So yeah, all of you reading this, don't worry to much, I'm too much of an idiot to even think of taking my own life. It repulses me for some reason. So yeah, I'm just gonna end this here for now.

I...am...evil...