So yeah, for those of you who still read this (if there's any of you at all :S) and you don't have me on your msn messenger, I've been surfing for fun quotes and these are what I've found that I love and two of them are on my msn thingy:
"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature" Dave Barry
"Live forever or die in the attempt" Joseph Heller, Catch 22
and another quote that I love, and by one of the most amazing people to ever grace the earth with his presence and humour:
"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty" George Burns
Yup, looking for things to cheer me up right now cuz I learned some more info about me stepmom (that's what I consider her even though there isn't a ring or paper work, she's me stepmom and I love her as such) Debbie, she was addmited into the Brockville General Hospital just a little over two, possibly three weeks ago with pneumonia which progressed to somthing more and they had to put her in a drug induced coma, then they were looking for an opening in ottawa or kingston, I was hoping for ottawa but she got a bed in toronto. Better facilities yes, but pretty far away. Yeah, so apparently her kidney's started to fail and she had to be put on dialysis, and she's in some hospital in toronto and my dad's out there to be near her, and I wish I could see her but I'm not sure when that'd be possible cuz I might be starting a part time job at the movie/electronics place here in kemptville... so yeah... yeah... now I've depressed myself again... yey -.- yup, going to shoot pixilated people on Call of Duty 3...
January 27, 2007
January 25, 2007
So, the Leons dudes came today with the new TV today. The picture is absolutely beautiful! There's no yellow flickering, or full yellow screen... and the tubes are properly aligned so there's no 3D looking effect it's awesome^^! *sigh* Then starts the job hunting on friday. I'm not saying that's a negative thing, far from it in fact. But it's the whole thing of walking around, handing out resumes, talking to people then the big wait for the call backs for interviews and whatnot... I do hope that I get a part time job, it would help out a lot, one with my sanity, financially and hopefully alivieate some stress off of jim and bev, and save some for the first and last months rent for ottawa, I'll have until the end of march so that should hopefully be able to get me SOME money... and thinking on this I'm not sure if I should get a part time job or a full time job... almost leaning towards whatever I can take. Then there's the whole thing of having to talk to Jim and let him know what I'm planning... I feel really bad, it's almost like comming over to a friends place, eat their food then bugger off without so much as a "how you do" or "by your leave"... ah well. Yup, feeling about neutral I'd say about now, not really feeling depressed or uber happy, wish I felt more happy but hey, it'll come sooner or later... think I might go watch some Firefly, yeah, sounds like a good idea that. Post later
Chuck, the Owner
Chuck, the Owner
January 24, 2007
Where to start where to start... well, seeing as my last post on here was about CDI, I guess I'll start there. I have left CDI and do not plan to return, some of the staff there I will say were and still are helpful and I applaude them for it, the rest, well, they're pretty much the opposite of that. I am keeping this dulled down to more polite tones, I'm not sure why but I am. This is my blog if you have problems with how I do things on here, either bugger off or post a "thought", I just reserve the right to ignore said "thought" if I deem it stupid and not worth my time.
So, after leaving CDI, well, BEFORE leaving CDI I left Ottawa and moved in with one of my friends, and someone I consider almost closer to me then my own family. Jim. Known him for, well, since I moved to spencerville pretty much... yeah, fuck how time flys by... anywho, I moved in with Jim & Bev, and have ended my relationship with Amanda. I will say with 100% honesty, that I do miss her, and it still hurts when I think about it. It's still a little raw, eve though we broke up around, what, novemberish, so our few conversations since have been short, to the point, and very tentative and cautious. I still haven't really come to terms with the grief of the break up, if anyone has advice, again, leave a "thought"
So, since the mid of October I've been living with Jim and Bev, going to CDI to finish my first year there which finished around November 24th I believe, and have pretty much been a couch potatoe since then. I have, in the last few weeks, been feeling depressed. Mostly thoughts that I'm worthless, I'll never do anything with my life, I'm NOT doing anything with my life, I'm fat yadda yadda yadda... I've decided to start looking, in earnest, for a part time job, possibly even a full time job, all depending on what I can get in Kemptville. There isn't much really.
That brings me to another point. I want to get a job to possibly help stave off this depression, and to help payback Jim and Bev for what they've had to dish out extra to keep me here. I've had an offer from another friend, on that I've just met recently, but we get along really well, anywho, they've offered/asked if I'd be interested in moving, with them, into a place in Ottawa. Now, here rises one of the problems, I like staying with Jim and Bev, I really do, but even if I get a job I feel like I've not really over stayed my welcome, but I feel like I have to do more then what I'm doing. I have to work out, I have to apply myself to things, and become more independant and just generally learn more things that I won't easily learn while being here, if I do go to ottawa with my other friend I KNOW they'll kick my ass if I don't do things, they'll push me (in ways that I need) we'll have fun yeah, but they'll keep me in line and accountable for everything, and they'll be able to teach me a lot of things about how to be my own person and shiat like that... and on top of that I'm applying to the military, HOPEFULLY getting into their Regular Officer Training Plan (ROTP for short) and they'll pay for Uni and what not, but if not then I'm starting to look at the different support options there are for it and what not... *sigh* It's pretty much like I'm at the hub of a roundabout with so many different roads to choose from and I'm not sure which one(s) to choose. I know what I would LIKE to do, but what I'm unclear on is what I SHOULD do.
Also to top that off even more, I wouldn't say that I've lost ALL faith in God, but it's gone down a LOT. I have almost nothing but contempt for the Church, be it any denomination (the Catholic church has it's own catagory that I'm not getting into right now, maybe later in here, or maybe not at all) it's flawed to one of the greatest degrees, it's supposed to be a place of comfort and uplifting and sanctuary, but yeah, from all of my experience it's anything BUT! Oh, on the surface it's all of those, but masks are wonderfully deceptive things, you get below that and it's all about the politics, the power struggles, the gossip, to HELL WITH IT ALL! I do not go into the "House of God" to get involved in petty shit like that! Add that I've started to view the Bible as a construction of men and have very little to do with the actuality of "The Word of God". So, right now, the two mainstays of what Christianity holds dear, the Church and the Bible, mean very little if nothing at all over me, and if it's like that, can I consider myself a Christian? I don't know. I'm starting to hate being labeled one thing over the other, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buhddist... I've seen to much in my life to discount the fact that God exists, but since what I've been raised with I'm starting to see as fake, false and almost nothing of value, where does that leave me? In a very interesting position, and while typing all of this and thinking more about it, I'm starting to think that this is another part that's adding to my depression, my loss of faith/beliefs whatever you want to call it. Yeah, it's kind of hard to find your way when you've lost your compass eh?
And to add to the bad news, my stepmother (that's pretty much what I consider her) is now in intesive care at the Brockville General. She was addmited to the hospital last week sometime with pneumonia (or however it's spelled, I've never claimed to be able to spell) and a type of stomach virus. Well, some how the pneumonia has gotten worse and they needed to do a blood transfusion to help with her hemoglobins, and to up her WBC count, and have put her into a drug induced coma, and with the coma comes IV's, a tube in her throat to put her on a machine to breath for her, and also she has an IV that was punctured into her lung but it's beneficial appatently because it's helping to drain some of the fluid that's accumulated in her lungs. So yeah, besides the possibility of losing my stepmother, whom I like, she's an amazing person, but I'm more worried about my dad. From what my sister's told me he's taking it pretty roughly, he's going from like, uber antsy to calm, from uber angry to docile, he's just having SUCH a rough time and I don't want him to lose one of the best things that he has in his life right now, I don't know if he'd be able to take it. Fuckin' hell, tears, haven't had those damned things come in a long while... anywho, really long post so I'll stop it here, don't really feel like crying right now so yeah. Later.
Life is an endless mass of opportunities for fun, find them and exploit
Chuck, the Owner
So, after leaving CDI, well, BEFORE leaving CDI I left Ottawa and moved in with one of my friends, and someone I consider almost closer to me then my own family. Jim. Known him for, well, since I moved to spencerville pretty much... yeah, fuck how time flys by... anywho, I moved in with Jim & Bev, and have ended my relationship with Amanda. I will say with 100% honesty, that I do miss her, and it still hurts when I think about it. It's still a little raw, eve though we broke up around, what, novemberish, so our few conversations since have been short, to the point, and very tentative and cautious. I still haven't really come to terms with the grief of the break up, if anyone has advice, again, leave a "thought"
So, since the mid of October I've been living with Jim and Bev, going to CDI to finish my first year there which finished around November 24th I believe, and have pretty much been a couch potatoe since then. I have, in the last few weeks, been feeling depressed. Mostly thoughts that I'm worthless, I'll never do anything with my life, I'm NOT doing anything with my life, I'm fat yadda yadda yadda... I've decided to start looking, in earnest, for a part time job, possibly even a full time job, all depending on what I can get in Kemptville. There isn't much really.
That brings me to another point. I want to get a job to possibly help stave off this depression, and to help payback Jim and Bev for what they've had to dish out extra to keep me here. I've had an offer from another friend, on that I've just met recently, but we get along really well, anywho, they've offered/asked if I'd be interested in moving, with them, into a place in Ottawa. Now, here rises one of the problems, I like staying with Jim and Bev, I really do, but even if I get a job I feel like I've not really over stayed my welcome, but I feel like I have to do more then what I'm doing. I have to work out, I have to apply myself to things, and become more independant and just generally learn more things that I won't easily learn while being here, if I do go to ottawa with my other friend I KNOW they'll kick my ass if I don't do things, they'll push me (in ways that I need) we'll have fun yeah, but they'll keep me in line and accountable for everything, and they'll be able to teach me a lot of things about how to be my own person and shiat like that... and on top of that I'm applying to the military, HOPEFULLY getting into their Regular Officer Training Plan (ROTP for short) and they'll pay for Uni and what not, but if not then I'm starting to look at the different support options there are for it and what not... *sigh* It's pretty much like I'm at the hub of a roundabout with so many different roads to choose from and I'm not sure which one(s) to choose. I know what I would LIKE to do, but what I'm unclear on is what I SHOULD do.
Also to top that off even more, I wouldn't say that I've lost ALL faith in God, but it's gone down a LOT. I have almost nothing but contempt for the Church, be it any denomination (the Catholic church has it's own catagory that I'm not getting into right now, maybe later in here, or maybe not at all) it's flawed to one of the greatest degrees, it's supposed to be a place of comfort and uplifting and sanctuary, but yeah, from all of my experience it's anything BUT! Oh, on the surface it's all of those, but masks are wonderfully deceptive things, you get below that and it's all about the politics, the power struggles, the gossip, to HELL WITH IT ALL! I do not go into the "House of God" to get involved in petty shit like that! Add that I've started to view the Bible as a construction of men and have very little to do with the actuality of "The Word of God". So, right now, the two mainstays of what Christianity holds dear, the Church and the Bible, mean very little if nothing at all over me, and if it's like that, can I consider myself a Christian? I don't know. I'm starting to hate being labeled one thing over the other, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buhddist... I've seen to much in my life to discount the fact that God exists, but since what I've been raised with I'm starting to see as fake, false and almost nothing of value, where does that leave me? In a very interesting position, and while typing all of this and thinking more about it, I'm starting to think that this is another part that's adding to my depression, my loss of faith/beliefs whatever you want to call it. Yeah, it's kind of hard to find your way when you've lost your compass eh?
And to add to the bad news, my stepmother (that's pretty much what I consider her) is now in intesive care at the Brockville General. She was addmited to the hospital last week sometime with pneumonia (or however it's spelled, I've never claimed to be able to spell) and a type of stomach virus. Well, some how the pneumonia has gotten worse and they needed to do a blood transfusion to help with her hemoglobins, and to up her WBC count, and have put her into a drug induced coma, and with the coma comes IV's, a tube in her throat to put her on a machine to breath for her, and also she has an IV that was punctured into her lung but it's beneficial appatently because it's helping to drain some of the fluid that's accumulated in her lungs. So yeah, besides the possibility of losing my stepmother, whom I like, she's an amazing person, but I'm more worried about my dad. From what my sister's told me he's taking it pretty roughly, he's going from like, uber antsy to calm, from uber angry to docile, he's just having SUCH a rough time and I don't want him to lose one of the best things that he has in his life right now, I don't know if he'd be able to take it. Fuckin' hell, tears, haven't had those damned things come in a long while... anywho, really long post so I'll stop it here, don't really feel like crying right now so yeah. Later.
Life is an endless mass of opportunities for fun, find them and exploit
Chuck, the Owner
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