Hmmm... today, well, I'm kindda pissy. I'm not to sure why... well, I DO know but anyways, yup as I said, pissy and brooding... so yeah, I recieved a call back from the recruitment office to scheduel my medical exam and my interview so things are looking up ^^ well, for the most part. I hate it when you have things going through your head, running scenarios and it all looks good, and then the actual thing turns out to be the exact OPOSITE of what you thought and planned.... *sigh* yeah... so, I think I'm going to go play one of my games and shoot a lot of people and blow shit up... later

Thought I'd have more time but i forgot to set me alarm this morning >< argitty... off to work for 8am, and guess what... I'm all by meself! :S eep. Me manager left me a list of shite to do so that should be otay... for the most part Imma thinkin'. So yeah, anywho, it's time for me to skiddalddle ^^ have a good day everyone!

Chuck, the Owner

Oi, me posts are comming few and far between, yet again... thought that might happen sooner or later, meh. Been playing Pirates of the Caribbean for PC, actually surprised that me pc can actually handle it but hey ^^ umm, yeah, not much else... have a job at Independant in Kemptville here, roughly 20hrs a week, not much but better then nothing eh? So yeah, I dunno, just stuff going on in my life right now that I thought I dealt with, or was dealing with that turns out that I'm not or haven't fully dealt with it yet... *sigh* Starting to fully understand the old saying "Ignorance is Bliss" Somedays I'd rather not know and be ignorantly happy then to be painfully aware and miserable-not as happy... ah well, take the hurdles as they come to you eh? I love not having a specific goal or destination in life... I'd say about 98% sarcasm there. Not having a goal/destination is like falling into a bottomless pit... you just keep going and going and going and not acheiving anything. So yup, before I depress myself with looking at the pointlessness that is my life, I will get back to posting shit on gaia, and if no one talks to me on msn, quite possibly go back to playing pirate till 11ish when I'm going to bed cuz I work tomorrow @8am so blah

Ok, don't have long, still have to get ready for work and now I have a very strong urge to go pooh >< so I did a little survey thing from someone's profile on gaiaonline.com (been there a lot recently ^^) so yeah, gonna post it on here right now then run to the toilet ^^

Your Aura is Blue

Spiritual and calm, you tend to live a quiet but enriching life.You are very giving of yourself. And it's hard for you to let go of relationships. The purpose of your life: showing love to other people Famous blues include: Angelina Jolie, the Dali Lama, Oprah Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor

http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorisyourauraquiz/">What Color Is Your Aura?

HOPEFULLY that posts normally so yeah.... anywho, l8rz

Chuck, the Owner

Allo all you faithful readers out there! Well, I might just dull that down to reader, but I still have hope and faith! Anywho, UPDATE TIME!! Otay, so my job hunting for now is over, have a job at "Your Independant Grocer" or commonly known as, Independant, anywho, it's a sub-name for Loblaws Inc. kindda thing... Just like Sears and The Bay, both owned and run by HBC so hey. But yeah, I'm in the General Merchandise department, so pretty much anything that's not food is my department... home furniture, baby clothes, bath accessories, lightbulbs, mops, diapers, baby food, stuff like that. So my first day was on Saturday the 10th, not too bad. I kindda had fun, helped a few customers out, learned a bit about the store trying to find things and what not, I kindda liked it. Stayed an extra hour by accident, got so caught up in what I was doing that I just kept going, it was funny, but I liked it, so I think it'll be fun working there, saving money for ottawa, paying off the visa, buying my own stuff, things like that ^^ so yeah, have some more quotes to put up ^^ and here they are... note all quotes posted in this post are from Carl Sagan:

In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time someting like that happened in politics or religion.

Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

If we long to believe that the stars rise and set for us, that we are the reason there is a Universe, does science do us a disservice in deflating our conceits?

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese.

One glance at a book and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for 1,000 years. To read is to voyage through time.

and that's about all for now ^^ so I guess I'll post later and what not eh? l8rz

Chuck, the Owner

Yup, so went out yesterday and dropped off some more resumes, dropped one off at Shoppers, and another one off at a spa in town that I know offers massage, and I kind of applied for a masseuse position if they have one available so hopefully something will happen... I need to call that other place to see if I've got a position there or not, hopefully SOMEthing will pop up soon >< *sigh* anyways, short post today... feeling uber shitey, think I have a flu or something... so hungery, yet can't eat... thought and taste of food makes me wanna hurl >< anywho, yeah, as my comment/reply to Isa-lay's comment there, yeah, I missed out on an opportunity to make another move last night, more then one if I remember correctly... *sigh* I'm such a loser -.- ah well, lets see if I can keep some water down

Chuck, the Owner

So yeah, I know, another post in the same day... HOLY SHITE MONKEY! It's weird but I thought I'd do it anyways, you know, spice shite up and what not... anywho, after talking to LA for a bit, and, where all the best thinking is done, comming back down the stairs from the bathroom, as the label says, I had a revelation... I've been hanging out with this chica, I've mentioned her a few times on me posts, very cryptic like but hey, and it's really awesome, she's awesome and I love and look forward to the time we spend together everyday, it's like the highlight of each day, I know, sounds kindda on the pathetic side, but hey... so onto the revelation... she's actually, covertly and I don't know if she planned to do it but she did, has started to restore my faith and belief in God... it's pretty interesting, and yeah, I'm a pansy ass bitch. No other way to put it. With this same chica, I've had multiple oportunities to make a move and what not, but being someone with low self-confidence and low self-esteem I just watch them pass by with much regret and much self hurting... nothing to physical yet, I've just punched a door frame or to but that's about it so far but yeah... I keep trying to psych myself up to make the move, but then massive fear comes down on me uber hard and I'm afraid that if I do I'll ruin our friendship... which I don't want to happen AT ALL so yeah... blah... yeah, pathetic ain't it, but story of me life... yeah, Hope I can actually make a move, I'd really like this to go somewhere... and yup, need a job too -.- stupid kemptville and it's poor job selection... but I have plans^^ hehehehe anywho, I'm gonna stop here cuz the only thing that I've put in my stomach since I woke up this morning was a glass of Dr. Pepper, so I think I might need some foodage right about now... so post ya'll later and what not

Chuck, the Owner

so yeah, from last I heard Debbie was/is doing a lot better. She's still in critical condition but she's stable now, her vitals are raising slowly almost everyday, she's been taken off all sedation and morphine, and it's a daily check to see if she needs dialisys or not so that's looking hopeful as well. Dad wants to go back up there for her bday (which is totally understandable) but I don't really feel like going up there to watch the house and dogs again, for another week -.- so yeah, haven't heard back from that place I applied to, wich really sucks, thinking of fibbing to me dad so I can stay, and I'm thinking of throwing out a few more rezzy's at a few more places and some specific ones that might help out a lot as well... so hopefully I'll be getting a part time job soon, please Lord God PLEASE let me get a part time job soon><

Chuck, the Owner

Can't be long with this post so blah... Dad's home Debbie's doing ok, could be a HELL of a lot better, but she's now stable so good on that. Dad wants to go back to toronto for deb's bday, but I don't want to be the house sitter anymore, I want to get back to me life but I'm not sure how that's looking right now, if anything I'll be getting back to kemptville for a longer haul possibly on the weekend of the 10th... going into kemptville tomorrow, to check some things out and what not, and see da chica ^^ yey^^ but yeah, if I don't have the part time job then I've been drafted to come back up here and stay another week... yey -.- anywho, time limit on the net (wtf's with that?) so I gotta go, later all


Chuck, the Owner

Don't know if the person that I'm going to talk a little about reads this or not, leaning towards not but hey, if ya ever do, and just to cover me arse, don't hurt me ^^

"u'r fam will be in my prayers tonight, stay strong and have faith"

This if comming from a person, from what little I know of them (mind you I would LOVE to know as much as I possibly could but hey) they have every right and reason to disbelieve in Yahweh, and turn their back on faith of any kind and here they are, sayin' they'll pray for me, and to have faith, and here I am, raised on faith and Yahweh. Living and BREATHING that life and I've lost faith, and I hardly ever pray... it just boggles the mind, and I just took a 5 minute break there to cry for the first time in a very long time. Facial muscles aren't used to that, kindda hurt :S
But yeah, this person's helped me, not sure if they know how much, and they're still helping me... it's, somedays I look at it and think that it might not be the most healthy, to rely and depend on someone that much and you don't know where exactly anything is going, and then there's other times when I've been waiting all day or week to talk/see this person and, it just makes me so happy just talking with them, (to quote Green Day) about nothing and everything all at once... yes, I care for this person a lot, but anywho, that's enough tears for me tonight... post later. And oh yeah, for those who do read this, since I've upgraded to the "New Blogger" and don't have that little post board thing on the side, just click the "thoughts" link at the bottoms of me posts and leave a hi, or you're a loser or whatever, it's always good to know that people still read this, well, sometimes ;)

Chuck, the Owner

Hey all you lovely readers out there, don't know how many of you there are but hey at least ya read this eh? Anywho, as you may have read, my stepmother is not doing so well and has been moved to the Mount Sinai hospital in Toronto, my father has gone to toronto to be near her and he won't be back until Wednesday as far as I've been told. And as such I am now at his place house sitting and watching after the dogs, I believe that I'll be here until wednesday and I hope that I'll be able to get ahold of peeps to let them know... anywho I'm on msn right now and I'm going to start surfing the net... talk later


Chuck, the Owner

So yeah, for those of you who still read this (if there's any of you at all :S) and you don't have me on your msn messenger, I've been surfing for fun quotes and these are what I've found that I love and two of them are on my msn thingy:


"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature" Dave Barry


"Live forever or die in the attempt" Joseph Heller, Catch 22

and another quote that I love, and by one of the most amazing people to ever grace the earth with his presence and humour:

"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty" George Burns

Yup, looking for things to cheer me up right now cuz I learned some more info about me stepmom (that's what I consider her even though there isn't a ring or paper work, she's me stepmom and I love her as such) Debbie, she was addmited into the Brockville General Hospital just a little over two, possibly three weeks ago with pneumonia which progressed to somthing more and they had to put her in a drug induced coma, then they were looking for an opening in ottawa or kingston, I was hoping for ottawa but she got a bed in toronto. Better facilities yes, but pretty far away. Yeah, so apparently her kidney's started to fail and she had to be put on dialysis, and she's in some hospital in toronto and my dad's out there to be near her, and I wish I could see her but I'm not sure when that'd be possible cuz I might be starting a part time job at the movie/electronics place here in kemptville... so yeah... yeah... now I've depressed myself again... yey -.- yup, going to shoot pixilated people on Call of Duty 3...

So, the Leons dudes came today with the new TV today. The picture is absolutely beautiful! There's no yellow flickering, or full yellow screen... and the tubes are properly aligned so there's no 3D looking effect it's awesome^^! *sigh* Then starts the job hunting on friday. I'm not saying that's a negative thing, far from it in fact. But it's the whole thing of walking around, handing out resumes, talking to people then the big wait for the call backs for interviews and whatnot... I do hope that I get a part time job, it would help out a lot, one with my sanity, financially and hopefully alivieate some stress off of jim and bev, and save some for the first and last months rent for ottawa, I'll have until the end of march so that should hopefully be able to get me SOME money... and thinking on this I'm not sure if I should get a part time job or a full time job... almost leaning towards whatever I can take. Then there's the whole thing of having to talk to Jim and let him know what I'm planning... I feel really bad, it's almost like comming over to a friends place, eat their food then bugger off without so much as a "how you do" or "by your leave"... ah well. Yup, feeling about neutral I'd say about now, not really feeling depressed or uber happy, wish I felt more happy but hey, it'll come sooner or later... think I might go watch some Firefly, yeah, sounds like a good idea that. Post later

Chuck, the Owner

Where to start where to start... well, seeing as my last post on here was about CDI, I guess I'll start there. I have left CDI and do not plan to return, some of the staff there I will say were and still are helpful and I applaude them for it, the rest, well, they're pretty much the opposite of that. I am keeping this dulled down to more polite tones, I'm not sure why but I am. This is my blog if you have problems with how I do things on here, either bugger off or post a "thought", I just reserve the right to ignore said "thought" if I deem it stupid and not worth my time.

So, after leaving CDI, well, BEFORE leaving CDI I left Ottawa and moved in with one of my friends, and someone I consider almost closer to me then my own family. Jim. Known him for, well, since I moved to spencerville pretty much... yeah, fuck how time flys by... anywho, I moved in with Jim & Bev, and have ended my relationship with Amanda. I will say with 100% honesty, that I do miss her, and it still hurts when I think about it. It's still a little raw, eve though we broke up around, what, novemberish, so our few conversations since have been short, to the point, and very tentative and cautious. I still haven't really come to terms with the grief of the break up, if anyone has advice, again, leave a "thought"

So, since the mid of October I've been living with Jim and Bev, going to CDI to finish my first year there which finished around November 24th I believe, and have pretty much been a couch potatoe since then. I have, in the last few weeks, been feeling depressed. Mostly thoughts that I'm worthless, I'll never do anything with my life, I'm NOT doing anything with my life, I'm fat yadda yadda yadda... I've decided to start looking, in earnest, for a part time job, possibly even a full time job, all depending on what I can get in Kemptville. There isn't much really.

That brings me to another point. I want to get a job to possibly help stave off this depression, and to help payback Jim and Bev for what they've had to dish out extra to keep me here. I've had an offer from another friend, on that I've just met recently, but we get along really well, anywho, they've offered/asked if I'd be interested in moving, with them, into a place in Ottawa. Now, here rises one of the problems, I like staying with Jim and Bev, I really do, but even if I get a job I feel like I've not really over stayed my welcome, but I feel like I have to do more then what I'm doing. I have to work out, I have to apply myself to things, and become more independant and just generally learn more things that I won't easily learn while being here, if I do go to ottawa with my other friend I KNOW they'll kick my ass if I don't do things, they'll push me (in ways that I need) we'll have fun yeah, but they'll keep me in line and accountable for everything, and they'll be able to teach me a lot of things about how to be my own person and shiat like that... and on top of that I'm applying to the military, HOPEFULLY getting into their Regular Officer Training Plan (ROTP for short) and they'll pay for Uni and what not, but if not then I'm starting to look at the different support options there are for it and what not... *sigh* It's pretty much like I'm at the hub of a roundabout with so many different roads to choose from and I'm not sure which one(s) to choose. I know what I would LIKE to do, but what I'm unclear on is what I SHOULD do.

Also to top that off even more, I wouldn't say that I've lost ALL faith in God, but it's gone down a LOT. I have almost nothing but contempt for the Church, be it any denomination (the Catholic church has it's own catagory that I'm not getting into right now, maybe later in here, or maybe not at all) it's flawed to one of the greatest degrees, it's supposed to be a place of comfort and uplifting and sanctuary, but yeah, from all of my experience it's anything BUT! Oh, on the surface it's all of those, but masks are wonderfully deceptive things, you get below that and it's all about the politics, the power struggles, the gossip, to HELL WITH IT ALL! I do not go into the "House of God" to get involved in petty shit like that! Add that I've started to view the Bible as a construction of men and have very little to do with the actuality of "The Word of God". So, right now, the two mainstays of what Christianity holds dear, the Church and the Bible, mean very little if nothing at all over me, and if it's like that, can I consider myself a Christian? I don't know. I'm starting to hate being labeled one thing over the other, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buhddist... I've seen to much in my life to discount the fact that God exists, but since what I've been raised with I'm starting to see as fake, false and almost nothing of value, where does that leave me? In a very interesting position, and while typing all of this and thinking more about it, I'm starting to think that this is another part that's adding to my depression, my loss of faith/beliefs whatever you want to call it. Yeah, it's kind of hard to find your way when you've lost your compass eh?

And to add to the bad news, my stepmother (that's pretty much what I consider her) is now in intesive care at the Brockville General. She was addmited to the hospital last week sometime with pneumonia (or however it's spelled, I've never claimed to be able to spell) and a type of stomach virus. Well, some how the pneumonia has gotten worse and they needed to do a blood transfusion to help with her hemoglobins, and to up her WBC count, and have put her into a drug induced coma, and with the coma comes IV's, a tube in her throat to put her on a machine to breath for her, and also she has an IV that was punctured into her lung but it's beneficial appatently because it's helping to drain some of the fluid that's accumulated in her lungs. So yeah, besides the possibility of losing my stepmother, whom I like, she's an amazing person, but I'm more worried about my dad. From what my sister's told me he's taking it pretty roughly, he's going from like, uber antsy to calm, from uber angry to docile, he's just having SUCH a rough time and I don't want him to lose one of the best things that he has in his life right now, I don't know if he'd be able to take it. Fuckin' hell, tears, haven't had those damned things come in a long while... anywho, really long post so I'll stop it here, don't really feel like crying right now so yeah. Later.

Life is an endless mass of opportunities for fun, find them and exploit

Chuck, the Owner