So yeah, roughly 6months since my last post. And about my last post. The reason being that it was so easy to get in to CDI College, was they're just selling shit. Plain and simple. So I got suckered into it by a semi-convincing sales chica or more commonly known as my "Admissions Advisor". Anyways, yeah, this probably won't be a long post. Seeing as I'm going to stop now, it's pretty short.

Chuck, The Owner

Everyone keeps saying that getting into college and Uni is hard. I applied to CDI College for the Massage Therapy course on Monday January 9th, and if everything goes well (though a lot hectic and chaotic) I will/should be starting on Monday January 16th 2006. It's either start now or wait until October, and I don't want to wait that long. Now, major downsides are:

1) 2 year course, costing appox. $25,000.
2) My second week will be so chaotic it's not funny. 8am-1pm is the beginning of the Actual course, and 2pm-7pm, the same week, is when I take one of the pre-qualifying classes for the Massage Therapy course.

So I just learned today that there's someone else in the same boat that I'm in, so that makes me feel a little bit better, and she also has a car. My Admissions Advisor is going to ask her if it's alright if I come with her when she goes to the Pre-Science.

Called my family (not including my father, yet) and they were all pretty much happy for me. My mother called me from her cellphone on her way back to Roebuck, and I told her the news and what not. Then after all the "I'm happy and proud for you's" I asked if she would be able to give me some money to help with school and bills and what not, then she turns it around to a slight at me saying (not exactly verbatim)

"This is what happens when you leave stuff until the last minute Chuck."

Then I exploded on her, telling her that unless she knew the whole circumstance and events then she could say something. And then I added, "So fuck off." then there was silence on her end of the line, and she was giving me the "I'm sending you on a guilt trip" tone of voice. I felt bad about it, still do, but the thing is she's the one that lashed out and pushed my buttons, which she's done all my life (if I can remember correctly) and I'm sick and tired of it and since I've been out of the house for 4 years, to me, she has no right and if she goes and pushes those buttons again, I'll lash out all I want. Anywho, I don't want to bash my mother anymore. So yeah, there's my post in all it's randomness. Enjoy if you can, post replies if ya want. Talk atcha'll later.

Not seeing my friends for a while really sucked. So when I got the call from Jim on Tuesday that he was going to pick up Ashby on Wednesday, he wanted me to go as well. I haven't seen these guys since... well just before James moved to Kemptville from Ottawa, about two to three months, or something like that.
I asked Amanda and she grudgingly granted permission. At first it was just that she doesn't like me to leave. Sometimes I think that she doesn't like my friends, but that's ok. Not everyone likes everyone else. Then she confronted me (and it was a good confrontation as well) last night before I left and gave me someother reasons why she didn't want me to go. It was hard for her to say it and I fully understand them and I still love her even though she finally came out and said it.
Not in these exact words but pretty much, "Shape up or Ship out." I've been unemployed for about four months, and I haven't really done much about it myself. Which I think is the main thing that people are getting upset about. And I fully understand and I do side with them on that. If you've read my previous entry, this is another point towards me being evil.
I've always had people do things for me. I've never really had to do them myself, which is REALLY not a good thing. That's one major sideffect of being a mamma's boy. My mother always made my decisions for me, told me what to do, where to go, how to do it. I think that's why Military life appealed to me so much. They tell you what to do all the time. I've never really thought for myself... I always claim to be an individual, but actually I think I'm turning into one of those automotons. Dammit. *sigh*
Well, that's all that's on my mind really today so, I guess I'll talk to ya'll later,

Chuck

This is to all the people who still read my blog, even though the postings are few and far between you still check in every now and then... From the bottom of my heart, thank you. And now to the posting.

Being unemployed and a generally unmotivated person are not a good combination, but it gives me LOTS of time to think and reflect on the past, present and future. And I have come to a conclusion.

I am evil.

Some points to back up my hypothosis. I have no friends. (and that is not a slight against them at all) I have never let anyone get close to me, I am superficial, and am so buried under masks and fakeness I don't know where I am or who I am. I've used everyone in my life for something. I usually use them for whatever I can and then pretty much discard them. You're not with my I can't use you. So, I'm a user. I'm manipulative, not very subtle all the time but hey. I'm like a virus. I latch on until everything's used up and then I move onto the next host.

If you can't tell by now, I'm in a really shitty place right now. I thought I've been depressed but nothing matches to what I'm feeling like right now. I think it's more of I've hit a breaking point and I just can't take it anymore. You can almost class this as a classic cry for help, but the only person that can help me is myself and I don't want to help myself... cuz I'm really starting to hate the person that I've become. Now the tears come dammit. I've been trying to cry for the past half a fuckin' hour and now I start crying. And now I've stopped.

I know some of you might reply by telling me to turn back to God. I'm pretty much gonna say, no. I still respect Him, and I will honour Him and will not speak out against Him, but for some reason I don't want anything to do with Him. Add hypocrite to my list of points as well. So yeah, all of you reading this, don't worry to much, I'm too much of an idiot to even think of taking my own life. It repulses me for some reason. So yeah, I'm just gonna end this here for now.

I...am...evil...

Well, paradise isn't really paradise anymore... not saying that I don't love Amanda, I do. I can't think of what I would do if I wasn't with her. But there are a few things that just get me so worked up sometimes it's just not funny. I talked to her about a few of them but she just did something not to long ago that just raised my hackles and made me want to kick her. We just got back from her mothers' place where we had supper. They packed some food in containers for her father cuz he didn't come. She sped all the way from Carelton Place to Nepean, just so she wouldn't "Miss her show". So we finally get home and she opens the trunk and one of the containers opened up. It contained home made baked beans (very nice I might add), and they spilled about half in the trunk. She looked at me and said "You're cleaning this up."

I'm like, "Wha?"

"You're the one that watched him put them in there." She said matter of factly.

"I didn't watch him do anything." I retort.

"Well, you're the one that said 'Yes' when he asked if you wanted some, so you're cleaning them up." and she briskly walks into the house and plops the stuff on the kitchen table and walks up stairs.

Meanwhile at the trunk, I'm wanting to tell her to go fuck herself and take a walk somewhere, but that would get me nowhere. So I clean them up, after getting supplies from the kitchen, and not a word from her. I get back in and again with the orders. "Chuck, put the food away." no please, just commanding. So instead of fighting it and causing a huge ass hubub, I put it away, and take out the kleenex as well. Not saying a thing to her, if she asks, I'm still contemplating wether I should give her the cold shoulder for the rest of the night or what. I still love her, but she's getting on my shit list right now. Anywho, hello and thankyou to anyone and everyone who keeps checking in on here. God bless y'all.

Chuck

I normally start my posts off with saying, "Wow, haven't posted in ages!" and the like, but I don't think I'm gonna do that this time. So yeah, haven't read my last blog in like forever so I guess I'll just write what comes to mind. So yeah, got a new laptop, the other one was causing too much grief and Bill the DSM of IPG said that I could exchange it for this one, the Compaq M2010. I kindda like it. It's bigger then my Averatec 3220. Meh, I haven't had much luck with electronics in the past while, but hopefully that'll change.
So yeah, haven't taken that TESL course yet. The whole reason to come to Ottawa was to take that course. But I'm not very good at savin' money. Usually when I got it, I spend it. But anywho, been thinkin' of getting into Carelton, possibly for English and some Language courses... thinkin' latin, Mandarin, Hebrew if they got it, maybe some other things... was thinking of taking Psychology, but I'm not sure. Don't know if I'm even going to get accepted or not... but from what one of the girls at work says, I think I have a better chance at getting in there then Ottawa U, that and it's closer. Kindda. *sigh*
So yeah, been downloading stuff on a new P2P program I got, called Limewire. It's pretty good. I've downloaded almost all the episodes of Samurai Deeper Kyo, there's about 24 or so out right now. Yeah, Amanda took me to do my taxes on friday, got about $700 back, paid about $100 to get it done, but at least I got the money right away. Paid off my visa, paid some money to Burbely for rent and stuff, and then bought four mangas from Chapters.com . Issues 1, 6&7 of Rurouni Kenshin, and issue 1 of Tokyo Tribes.
Yeah I'm just ramblin' on about nothin' inparticular, but that's ok. I think I should head to bed now. I'll see if I can write in here again soon... hopefully in less time then it took me from my last post. Anywho, talk to yall later.

Chuck

So, I don't know how many people read this... I'm thinkin' probably not too many since my posts are few and far between, but I'm still postin' ^^ So the updates of what's going on in my life. Well, though I did get accepted for the TESL course in November, I pulled out of that one and I'm going to be taking it in January. Money reasons, and stress reasons for that one. Still working at Future Shop, it's fun. I like the people that I work with so it's cool. The seasonal people and I are getting to be like our own little group and what not... it's odd... I'm getting along better with the people who'll only be here for a few months (if they don't get kept on after) then I am with a lot of the regular full/part time staff... but that's ok. So yeah, here comes the big one...I'm gonna make you scroll down for it hehehehehe :D You know you love me ^^

























So yeah, I'm going out with someone from work ^^ Her names Amanda. She's come on as a seasonal person, and we kindda hit it off. We didn't know where exactly we were going with the relationship, and she and I have pretty much the same thoughts on it. We don't want to get involved unless there could be something farther down the road. And though we're takin' this really slow, like I'm talkin' second date I didn't hold her hand until like 3am and we left at 11pm, and last night/this morning we saw National Treasure, and then went to her place til 4am and we didn't kiss until, well, around 4am. So yeah, we've done the first kiss... and we've both found out that we're a little rusty... I know some people will be sayin' "How can you be rusty at kissing?!" Trust me... when the last person you kissed was your girlfriend in grade.... 11 I think...so that's around 3-5 years( I know, I've lost count) you get a little rusty. So anywho, I gotta go, I start work at 11am, so I gots ta start movin' my booty... anywho, I'll write to y'all later.

Chuck

Yup, just checked my blog... yup, long time... anywho, for those of you who still read my stuff, I'm putting new stuff up here. So, yeah, what to put up. Well, I've been accepted to the TESL course (PRAISE GOD!!) I was praying that I would get into it, but had a feeling that I wouldn't be able to... and I just learned that most everyone at work is not too happy with me. Yeah, well to explain that, I've been calling in sick at least once a week, and they're starting to get upset with that... my explination (I know, spelt wrong) is... we don't have many different types of food here, or much at all, so I believe I'm sufferring from malnutrition and malnourishment... or (if thems ain't the right words) lack of the basic food groups and lack of food. So, my sister gave me a verbal ass kicking yesterday... wich is good, I think I needed that, well KNOW I needed that, but still didn't like it... who likes getting their ass kicked? anywho, so I'm hopefully going to talk to Mark, and possibly my supervisor(s) today, when I figure out what time it is... all our clocks say 9:30am and the clock on hte computer is saying 8:30am... who do I listen to... I'll just check my blog cuz I have the time on it... I think anywho. Yeah, I feel bad. But I'm askin' God to help me with today more then ever cuz I have to face the music kindda thing. I think I'm done now, want to check what time it is before I do anything else so I guess I'll post back up here someother time then eh? Later, and God bless

Chuck

Greetings ya'll! It's been ages since I last posted anything on here, but that's for, well semi-good reasons. Job hunting, game playing, you know how it is. Anywho, I'm on here to say that I have a job now! YEY^^! I'm working at Future Shop. Oh yeah. I'm starting today at 2pm, so I'm going to have to learn the bus system. I don't know how it works. I think I'm gonna put some outside pants on and walk down there to see what the times are and all that shtuff. Anywho, I just had a foop, so I's gots to go to da potty, so I guess I shall see ya'll later.

I don't know what I'm going to write about in this one. I'm pretty tired. Didn't sleep till 5:30 -6 this morning, and for some stupid reason I woke up at 9:30, but thankfully I went back to sleep till noonish. Chris rented some pretty sweet games. Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow, and Dynasty Warriors 4. Both really awesome games. Dynasty Warriors 4 (and all the Dynasty Warriors games) use the Characters from Dynasty of an Empire, the old and really awesome NES game. It's really really sweet. And in Dynasty Warriors 4 you can create your own character. So I created my own guy and he looks sweet! He's got this really awesome large two-handed sword. I really really like him. So yeah, anywho, I still need to get in contact with me mum to finalize details and what not, of me commin' home. So my last day is on the 5th of August, I'm gonna be packin' all the 6th and probably/hopefully go into town and buy some stuff for me Playstation... like a memory card. I agree with some comments I read on the EBGames site, that they should give you a memory card free with your origonal purchase of a PS2, cuz what game will you play that you don't have to save? Pretty much none, so yeah, just a money grabbing technique. Crappy corporate dickweeds. so yup, that felt better. I finaly got Final Fantasy X, and I'm up to the part where you fight Seymour in the temple of Macalania. Died. So I stopped right there and turned it off before I frustrated myself to the extreme if I died again. So yeah. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. So I shall go and see what's going on down in the Team Room.Oh yeah, I'm not sure if I put this up here but I traded in my busted used PS2 and payed a bit o' cash and got a Brand New PS2, so I'm pretty happy about that. Anywho, talk to ya'll later.

Chuck

Well, for all those out there who don't know, TESL stands for Teaching English as a Second Language. So I'm going to be taking that (please Lord God!) in November and then (again please Lord God!) go and teach in Taiwan. I've hopefully got some contancts in Taiwan, so I'm prayin' that they can put in a good word or three and get me in there. I just feel like I'm supposed to go there. I've already got one of the peeps from Taiwan here sayin' that they'd help me as much as possible, I just need to get hold of one of the others to see if she can do anything. The only downside is that, well, she's in Taiwan right now so I'll have to get Gloria or Ethan to help me call her. So anywho, I gotta go, work and all that. Also pray that I stay awake and stop feelin' so crappy. I feel like I'm gonna hurl. Love Y'all Chuck

Well, to state the obvious, I haven't put nothin' up here in a while so, here I go. So yeah, my plans have been somewhat altered, but still aimin' for the same thing. I'm still leavin' sometime between the 6 and 10 of August, and I'm still plannin' on takin' the TESL course, but I'm not takin' the September one, I'm aimin' for the November one, so yeah. Anywho, I have also come to a conclusion. My leaving here is only a temporary thing. Not unlike what Deckie did, well there are similarities but different circumstances and whatnot. So yeah, I'm supposed to come back here, when I'm not sure. *sigh* So yeah, that's the update, oh wait, there's more stuff actually. My TV died, (I think it might have been struck by lightning) and my PS2 is screwin' up, so I'm takin' the PS2 back and getting a refund and then I'm going to buy a brand new PS2 and start from there, and my TV, if it costs more the $100 to fix, I'm getting a new one. Anywho, that's about it. Still need to pack and everything, *sigh* I hate paking. Oh, and on a more, umm... well, whinging note. I still don't like Tim. If anything my dislike for him as grown since the last time I stated that. Just to add to the previous list:
He has no respect for anyone (that I can observe)
He'll verbally assualt and push around whoever won't fight back
His laugh is one of the most annoying things I've ever heard
He wants to be included in everything yet won't make an effort at all
(I know, you can say I'm judging, nit-picking whatever, I'm just stating why I really really [borderline hate] this person)
So yeah, anywho, I gotta go.
Later all
Chuck

So yup... today is... well, sometime in July so it's been a while since me last post. But that's otay. So I've had a slight change of plans, instead of signing up for the September TESL course, I'm going to aim for the November course. Plus the November course is good cuz it's over in three weeks instead of six. Added bonus. That and it gives me... three months or so to find a job and save some denari. So yeah, I'm still leavin' between the 6th and 11th of August, just tryin' to figure out when exactly, so that roughly gives me about a month or so to do what ever I'm going to do with me stuff. *sigh* packing again. Well, that shouldn't be too bad this time... I'm not to sure though, but I hope so. Anywho, I gotta go to work... oh yeah, I'm buying a knife from chokecherryforge.com. It's a hand made knife, right off the anvil kindda deal. Well, probably not RIGHT off the anvil but hey, and it also has an antler handle so it's a little more pricey but hey, $55 for a hand made knife with antler handle and shipping included... not a bad deal. And add onto that that they're Canadian. CHA CHING!! That's where the bulk of this paycheck is going to, then I'm buying (hopefully) something for Ms. Joyce, so I have to check with Steph on that one, to see if she won and how much I owe her. hehehehe. I'm not sayin' what it is just in case Ms. Joyce is readin' this. That and if I have money left over, I'm going to see King Arthur on tuesday, and if I gots cash left over from that (please Lord God) I might be buyin' a PS2 game... mua ha ha ha ha. Anywho, gotta go, work and all.

Love y'all and God bless!
Chuck

Yup, had a really good convo with Ashby... lastnight/early this morning. It was really cool. Just tellin' ya Ashby mate, I don't think I spent an hour this morning, but all in all from this mornin' till the afternoon I think I was about 2 or more, it was cool. I think I need to diversify tho, but anywho... comes with practice and trial and error eh? I know, the rest of ya's are like:

"What the heck is he talkin' about eh?"

Well, I'm gonna keep y'all in the dark. HA HA!!
BUGS MUST DIE!!! I'm sorry, just getting eaten alive by some sort of really small flying insect. Anywho... Yup, now to the very fun and intersting stuff... DUH Duh duhhhhhhhhh... What's going on with Chuck's life. WAHHHH!!! NOOOO!! AHHHH!!! as everyone screams in panic and mass hysteria... now we're done. Good. Anywho, yup, talkin' to Ma today to find out when would be the best time to come home so I could take the TESL course, and we decided that takin' the September course at Ottawa would be good, and I could stay with my sister, or work something out, find a temp place to work for some quick cash and whatnot and then take and finish the course, and then go on me way! BUT! Damn I hate but's... I had this nagging feeling, that I'm not supposed to do that. So in essence, I may be back to, well not square one, maybe square two or three. I'm still leanin' towards leavin', but I'm going to try to weigh the options more on both sides and try to get some other peoples oppinions about all this, and get a little more in the prayer thing. Which hasn't been one of my strongest area's, but hey, I'm only human... that wishes I could be a cyborg, kind of thing. I'll explain that one some other time, if I remember about that. Well, had this idea about a pretty funky story, but I'm not sure how it'll work out, but anywho, I gotta go. Gonna go bug people or something.

Love y'all, and God Bless!
Chuck

Well back at the lovely blogger, talkin' to three peeps. *sigh* reminds me of the old days. *contented sigh* Not all of the old day things were bad. Anywho, enough reminicing. On to blogging! Dah dah DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! and all that fanfare type stuff... yeah.

Yup... sittin' here, lookin' at the monitor. Well lookin' at the words forming that I'm typing and what not... wow, this is, well, kindda... I don't know. Just a random rambling session about, well, anything and nothing... kindda whatever pops into me head. Kindda the main theme of this blog... random things... well, not always, but whatever I want to put on here. so, yeah. Lets start with this morning. (this blogging session might be a bit lengthy, so if ya gotta pee, do it now ;) )

So, wake up this mornin' as I normaly do. Alarm goes off, I hit the snooze, snooze goes off, then I get up and shower and what not, you know the drill. So, on my way into work I'm like, "God, I want this day to be a good day. Help make it a good day." And so I went to the computer in the General Office, and did some surfing and whatnot, and then went to devotions. I normally don't like devotions but they were pretty good this morning. Listened to a tape of Grahm Cook (if that's how you spell his name) He's a pretty funny bloke. And I can say that cuz he's English. So yeah, anywho, after we listened to the tape for a while it was time to stop, and so we prayed for whoever wanted prayer. And Pokey asked for prayer and some peeps went and prayed for him, and I did the whole, from a distance prayer (might talk about that later) and so yeah. Sitting there, and well, low and behold, God shows me somethin'. I'm sittin' there and lettin' my imagination run wild, and then God used it and showed me something about Pokey (I might tell about that later in this) and I was kindda weirded out cuz that hasn't happened in a while so wha. Anywho, then we go to work, and I had a pretty good team goin' on today, and we get somestuff done. Not everything that I wanted to get done, but hey, it happens. And so then we had this meeting at 1pm, and talked about what we want to do for the "YLIT Outing" that's being planned. And so, apparently we're going to the beach, and one of the YLIT's asked if it was optional or did we have to go, and so we were told that, pretty much, madatory thing. Well that sent off Mr. Rebellious mode in me. I hate being told I have to do some group thing. Work, that ain't bad, part of the job. But when I'm forced to do something with a group of people, if it's not what I signed up for, then mate, be prepared for me to tell you that I DO have a choice to go or not to go. So yeah, that ticked me off, but in a sense, I gotta get over it. Well, yes and no, not getting into that. So, I go down to Pokey's office to kindda see how he's doin' and vent a bit. And then I share with him what I saw. Again, I'm still somewhat new, somewhat not to this kindda stuff and so (I don't think I'm gonna put it on here, to private and not my thing to tell) and so, we do some spiritual stuff (dang I need Q-tips... anywho) and then yeah, from there the day goes pretty well, so God did what I asked and I'm very thankful of that... that and he showed me somethings that I needed re-showing, and reconfirmation and what not, but all in all, I still need to delve deeper into Him and talk to Him and listen to Him, and do stuff for Him and not for me, and OI... I'm a putz. Yup, anywho. I think that pretty much describes my day. So it's been a pretty cool day... that and I have to clean my room. Yup, so I think I'm going to call me momma and find out some stuff, and see how things are going and all that other schtuff. Anywho, to those who read this, my applause and respect. I know this probably wasn't the easiest thing to sit through, but you made it to the end and if I could, I'd give you a medal... but I don't got any so, I'll just give you a virtual hug.. how about that?

Love yous all,
Chuck

I'm not too sure what to write right now... Don't have much time so I'll just write something possibly pointless and short. Anywho... Yup, I gotta get a hold of me mum to get some info from her to see when would be a good time to come home. Cuz if possible, I could go home and take the TESL course in August, or I could go home and take it in September. So I have to figure out wichone is the best one... so I gotta go.

I shall write again soon.

I know... my post board thingy is all messed up right now. Last time I looked at it it looked a lot better then the first time, but hey. Anywho, I think I've made my decision. I think I'm leavin' Signing Waters. I just need to get my resume up and running and up to date kindda thing. *sigh* Today was a good day, today is one of those days that I'm going to miss. But I think that I'm supposed to leave. I'm going to have a talk with the Boss Lady, about this among other things, and see what goes down after that. Well, I'll lay my plan down here right now:

-Give my completed Resume to my Cousin and she hands it in to Christian Horizons
-Get an all-in-one interview (see if I'm what they're lookin' for, and where to put me) since the one I'm applying to is two hours away
-Hopefuly (please Lord God) get a part time position (40hrs a week [$11-15 an hr]) and save up some money.
-Go home and take the TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language) course and complete that.
-and after that, get a placement somewhere and travel and see the world and see what God has in store for me.

This is my main thing right now... it's my main prayer (if anyone wants for a prayer listy thingy) and I'm hopeing it's right. I've always felt a pull towards the Teaching English stuff, but I've never in a sense had the right opportunity, and I think my time is up at Singing Waters, so I'm just going to go for it. And if this plan falls through, plan B:

-Go home
-Ask Dan for the same deal he did with Luis and the others
OR
-Ask me mum and nan for the money to take the TESL course and go from there

So either way, I think I have most of the bases covered. Please Lord God help me with this. Make this plan come into fruition. Make it good in Your eyes, and put me on the path that You want me to be on.

Chuck

Hey Ho all you lovely people who read this. Anywho, I've come to a really important decision. I think I've already put the choices on here, and then I thought that I had figured it out, and now... well, I'm back to square one again. I'm starting to get more information and send information and what not. But anywho, the lowdown of if is, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be at Singing Waters anymore, so I'm exploring other options and things like that, so, in essence I'm askin' for any info (if possible from God) as to if I'm doing the right thing or not. I'm feeling like I could swing either way and it might be good, but I'm not sure what so, anywho, gotta go yall, love yous lots.

Chuck

My japanese name is ? Hara (wilderness) ? Shou (soar).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

A whole bunch of us watched Mystic River last night (and carried into this morning), and I thought it was a very good movie. I'm not starting a film critic thing here, but something in that movie really touched me. The relationship with the two brothers. Well, the "Harris" brothers. I dunno, (I know I'm gonna get all sappy and what not right now, but it's the truth and how I feel) whenever I see a brother relationship like that, or a close brother relationship, I feel a bit of regret. I miss my brother. And I miss bein' there for him, and I miss helpin' him with stuff and just hangin' with him. And I love my brother so much, and I don't like how I can't be there for him... it's really hard for me. I know, it's kind of a whinging thing right now, but hey... Drew if you're reading this, I love you bro. I always have and I always will.

Chuck